After Breakup

There are times when i still feel very alone without him near me, BUT i am starting to get used to the idea of not needing him anymore. I don’t really need him but I loved the feeling of being next to him in a bed watching Adventure Time together. We still hook up sometimes and spend a bit of time together ;). Afterwards, he very nicely tucks me into bed and places my teddy bears next to me and walks out of my door. I don’t understand why he can emit such love towards me and is still able to leave out that door. The same door he used to dread because he never wanted to leave my side.

I know hanging out with him after our break up is not a good idea. I should hate him and not give him any minute of my life. BUT i feel like its easier to deal with it when i get a little bit of his love and slowly ween myself off of him. Although, i do always feel depressed after he visits me. Still, it’s a wonderful feeling. Kind of like a hopeful feeling that makes me think he might come back. I would rather lie to myself than accept something i don’t want to. I have never been the type of person to accept things that don’t go my way. I always get what i want. Blame my parents. :P But having something denied to me for the first time is a complete shock and totally unacceptable. 

(Source: inspirationfeed)

Why do you come if you don’t want to be with me? Why must you listen to me when i say come over? Don’t you know I’m just fragile? I can’t handle not seeing you for more than 24 hours. Why do you indulge me and then rip yourself away from me in an instant. Why are you making my life harder? so much harder… I don’t understand you. There has to be a reason. I don’t understand at all. Why are you playing this game?

NO! I do not enjoy studying for a math midterm with you. All i did was think about how you might possibly be flirting with the other girl that was studying with us. You were high so you were nicer than usual. BUT still made me angry ‘cause you left with only saying a small “thank you” for teaching you how to do problems. Your true self comes out when your high and now i see how selfish you really are. Is it wrong to say I still wish i fucking had you to my self? 

You said you wouldn’t mess it up again. You said I would be the first one to leave. You asked me if we could move in together. This all happened two weeks before we broke up. What changed your mind so fast? YOU SAID YOU WOULD SCREAM MY NAME AT THE TOP OF THE FLAT IRON BUILDING. YOU SAID YOU WOULD HOLD MY HAND AND PROTECT ME. YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!

This is what you did to me! I can’t find it anywhere now?

(via iwantyoukissme)

or sexy?

(via exceedinglimitations)

sweet?

(via aussiedream-s)

Something in my mind clicked and said to me that i need a break from guys. SO i told the wonderfully sweet guy on my bed that i needed time to get over my EX before i can be lovey dovey with him. He understood and left. BUT what ends up happening is i spent too long alone and get horny so i invite my EX over that same night and he agreed to come watch ADVENTURE TIME with me. Afterwards i asked him to have sex with me as friends… haha and he said that it would hurt me and that i shouldn’t act like I’m already over him because things like this take time. But I’m trying so hard to not think about him that i fooled myself to think i was over him. I knew that it was fake though. I just think having sex with him wont change much of what I’m feeling. Mostly ‘cause istilllovehimmorethanever.

(Source: rennyymonster)

Is it wrong to ask if I can spend the night with you one more time? I just want to be in you’re arms. 

I had the hole world in my hands last night. I met a guy that is super sweet and super nice and all he wants to do is make me happy. I’m not sure. I still think about my EX. It’s only been a week. I know it’s never going to be the same again, but I can’t help being optimistic. I can’t help liking him more than this sweet, loving, adorable, funny and romantic man.  

I may not be completely over him but there has been this guy that I have been hanging out more often. I feel bad that I just broke up with my EX and my I’m trying to get with this guy. BUT he is super sweet and much nicer and sane than my EX. I may not try anything big until I’m sure I’m not only doing it for attention, but I hope it turns into something more. Yes i sometimes still think about my EX and it’s only been exactly a week since we broke up, but being with someone now has made this so much easier for me. My heart doesn’t hurt quite so much. It still feels empty but much better than it did when i didn’t have anyone. I need someone to cure me.